[The Joke]Programmers Guide to Trick


1st: Preparation

“We must first sharpen our tools before Tricking.”

  1. The Computer doesn’t need High-performance, but dual-screen is a must, the bigger the better, a cross or a vertical screen better. One screen is used to check the information, and another to write code. In short, look it all seems very informative, very efficiently.
  2. Chairs may not be comfortable, but must be surely to lie on it for you.
  3. A large number of notes, a variety of colors, used to record every day to complete the transaction, as more as better. Along the border of the screen, try to stick with, shows that there are a lot of things you need to do.
  4. Reference books , Orelly, from Machinery Industry Publishing House ,or The Electronics Industry Publishing House, anything is ok, better in English-language pattern, or the Print-version is also nice. Anyway, the thicker the better, but don’t put it on the shelf, be sure to heap on the table, half opened…

2nd: Starting When enter the office

  1. Dress! Dress! No matter if you go to the lab, or go to the company’s building, in homes or small companies, or start your own business black workshop any alteration of day and night of wind and rain thunder storm tornado, a programmer is very sensitive about his sacking b dress! Only put forward some suggestions here.
    Junior wear: shirt + jeans + casual shoes.
    Intermediate hold: t-shirt + loose shorts + slippers.
    High load: vest + loose big pants + flip flops.
  2. Behave appropriately. In the hallways and aisles in any form, be sure to hands in his pockets, walk like a Rogue, at least look a little anti-social, if that does not work, take the Weak delicate genius geek way.
  3. If a woman pointing behind you, whisper says it must be a IT dog, should Bow, and keep heads down, slowly turn around, Mie bad smile but don’t make a sound, and then fast forward.
  4. Entered the office, must be sure not to tell anyone, straight to your place , or can pass a cup of coffee only, do not have wasted motion, showing your focus and distractions.

3rd: Sit down and stop moving

  1. When sit down, with the positions slightly leaning back, facing your legs best, and in the case of backward with his head down, so that you can see the screen, and then do not move any more.
  2. Roughly opened a large pile of books in front of a computer, then pluck a note on your computer, take a look, no more than 3 seconds, you can start coding.
  3. Do not use IDE anytime. If can not, no matter what the IDE it is, be sure to tune into a DOS black background。
  4. If interface at the front desk, just keep on debugging the background code; If you write Java, mixed in there with C; If you write C, just adding Assembly language; not only coding, but also pulls some books in English occasionally, if you don’t understand, read some illustrations and then throw to pretend to understand, and coding continue.
  5. Use the High-end technology what it seems, but not the Practical technology. For example on C++:switch all heavy constitute more State; if has pointer, all modified into intelligent of; C++ must use the template written by yourself; digital is all to replaced macro of name can up more long on up more long; no structs appeared, if appeared, also must to with __attriburte__ modified about; operation are is bit-operation; operator are always is overload; network are is concurrent buffer line pool of; int only with int32_t statement of; Inherited not common, multiple virtual inheritance; HelloWorld write caught exception; people a look at the code, among a pile of keyword extern, ASM, auto, XXXXX_cast, volatile, explicit, register, template, usually small programmers immediately knocking on the int,if,else,for heart cult。
  6. The comments? Let it go. Only two routes to choose: a giant long variable names, code and read in English as smoothly, no comment is needed. Second, the code so obscure, the effects do not add if threr is no comment.
  7. Do not communicate with IM tools, don’t ask colleagues questions, myself for not horizontal, are their own Internet or looking at books.
  8. Do not to look up, not to look around even if fire, must also submit code first and then leave the.

4th: Chic to leave

  1. You leave, well, the host must never to be shut down, at least to run a daily build, there is no SVN commit is just alright。
  2. Books should have been to the screen never finish tomorrow, and then to push.
  3. Do not need to leave last, but be sure to all the non-programmer, what markets: PM, and the front desk people are all gone, you can leave.
  4. When you are leaving, must be straightforward, don’t pick up anything, get up, go out, well, that’s。
  5. If you must say something today, so, the most bitter of the programmer, tell him that you progress too slow, don’t let me wait for you any more.

OK, that’s it. Finally, send the bitter songs of programmers

On that side of the mountain over there of the sea there is a group of programmers, they are honest and boil to thrust out, they were smart and didn’t have the money. They sat there all day long to stay up late writing software, bitten by hungry ~ ~ Oh poor programmers of instant noodles, Oh bitter programmer, just changed the needs they are going to do it again, but with only two days … …